failure sucks.

failure sucks.

1,710 miles in 6 ½ days into my 3,000 miles in 12 day race across America called RAAM.

Eureka, Kansas around 4am …

And I quit.

Saddle sores and sleep deprivation knocked me down, and unfortunately, my sores kept me from getting back up.

It’s a burning sensation – a pain that is indescribable that burned so badly, I wanted to vommit, but nothing would come up.

I remember watching a film on RAAM and seeing one of the participants quit because of his saddle sores; and I remember thinking to myself that there is no way I would quit because of something as petty as saddle sores … but I had never experienced anything like these sores, nor the pain associated with them … but now I know the pain.  Humbled.

I knew that I had a problem with the sores in Durango, Colorado at the end of the 3rd day of the race, and I was nervous about being able to continue, but my kick ass bike mechanic, Russ went to a bike store and got me a new seat.

I took pain medicine, and then climbed back on the bike, and onto my new seat and continued, and even completed the toughest climbing of the race in the Rockie’s …

Everything was fine, and mentally I was focused.  Esp. the last couple of days.

The best ride of my life was the day before I quit … I think I did 319 miles and felt great.

I felt so strong on the bike that it was the first time that I ever could see my finisher photo in my head.

And I was so confident … but I told myself not to jinx it …. Not to get too comfortable and blow it, and slow down and just focus on one day at a time…

I took a 90 minute sleep break at 2am, but when I woke, I couldn’t sit on the bike after I started again.  The pain medicine didn’t work anymore.

For the first time in my life, surely made softer and easier to decide because of the sleep deprivation … I quit in the middle of challenge.

The shame….

I have never “DNF’d” (did not finish) anything in my life … but now I have.

I have received a lot of emails of support and positive comments on my 1,710 mile bike ride … many people have congratulated me on getting all the way to Missouri border.  And I am grateful for all of this support …

But there is no summit half way up the mountain.

I failed to reach my summit.
I failed to achieve my goal.

Failure sucks.

But this failure (like most failure in our lives) is entirely my own fault.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I will post a race report tomorrow or the next day … with photos and more details on the incredible 7 day adventure that I failed to finish … and if I could do it all over, how I would do it differenly.

I am stuck …
I must do RAAM again next year.  Sophie told me that before she will approve me to solo row the Atlantic ocean (which I am scheduled to do in Nov. 014) … I must successfully complete RAAM.

Failure sucks.

 

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3 thoughts on “failure sucks.

  1. Make RAAM Happen again next year! Scott! I also got the failure in recent day,but I will plan to try again like you! Keep Going!

  2. I am almost shocked to see this, I couldn’t really believe that this has happened. As you always say scott, we get to end our story, I can imagine the haunting feeling you would have in your mind to conquer it the coming year. What you have faced now is not “Failure” Scott, it is what you define it to be, There are no ordinary moments. Like how you saw the finish picture in your mind “it is true”, but you have to Make it happen, no matter what- continue your training and I am sure you will achieve it in 2014. Go get it ….cheer up

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